Excerpt from my book

Okay, so a few of you have requested I put a chapter or two up here on Myspace and I have been really hesitant because ... well because it's so personal. But I found part of the book I feel comfortable sharing with the world. It's a little lighter than a lot of the rest of the book.
CHAPTER TWO -
Currently Untitled

Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love."
Lao-Tzu



Waking up in the morning was always the most difficult thing for me. I would lay, stretched out comfortable and warm in my bed, and the thought of facing the cold morning air and the rest of the day made me want to roll back over and sleep the day away. But as always, Allen and Jeremy would make sure that I was awake-one way or another. Some days it was merely a rough shake to my shoulder. But once, when I refused to get out of bed because Mom had kept me up so late the night before, they thought themselves clever by holding me down and pouring a cold glass of water on my head. I sprang out of bed, outraged and shocked that I was drenched. The threat of the return of the water treatment as they called it, worked for a few months, but after a while getting out of bed became more and more of a struggle.
There was something about being in bed, snuggling under the warm, thick quilt, that made me feel safer somehow. Sleeping was one of the few activities that made me feel happy, peaceful. There were days when all I wanted to do was to sleep. Being warm and comfortable was one of the only things that I looked forward to. Most days, despite my great reluctance to leave my the warmth of my bed behind, I always made it out of bed in time to watch my sister and brothers leave for school. It was almost as if I was programmed, and no matter what time it was, my body would wake me up no matter how tired I was.
Every morning, as they prepared to leave, I made sure they said goodbye to me as they headed out the door to catch the bus. I would wait in my pajamas, right next to the door if they were in a hurry, with my favorite teddy Bear in hand so that he could get kissed goodbye as well.
One particular Friday morning, the temperature had dipped below freezing the night before, settling a thin, cool white blanket of ice over the ground. It almost looked like snow in a way, the way it covered everything so delicately, so perfectly. It was going to snow sometime soon, I could feel it. My room was extremely chilly and undoubtedly the fire had gone out sometime during the night and would have to be made again in order to heat up the house. Though they were much too big for me, I wore my dads old thermal pajamas that he had given me once, and could still feel the chilly morning air. The pajama arms extended far past my arms and feet and I thought about rolling out of bed, but then I remembered to roll up the legs else I trip and fall on my face-again.
I remember that it was almost light outside, and I had no idea what time it was; I didnt have a clock in my room. Everyone must have been late, because no one had bothered to hurriedly wake me as they always did. The rooms were all empty, and I heard movements downstairs. I quickly grabbed Bear and my big, pink, fluffy slippers and plodded quickly across the upper landing and down the stairs. Amie was making a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich and both boys were quickly loading their bags with books.
What are you guys doing? I asked groggily.
Unlike you, we have to go to school, remember? Amie snapped, screwing the peanut butter lid on the jar.
When do I get to go to school? I knew I was whining, but I didnt care.
Later.
But Im smart enough. I insisted, and I was ready to prove it. "I can count all the way to 25. Listen. "1 ... 2 ... 3 ... 4 ... 5 ... 6 ... 7 ... 8 ... 9"
Will you shut up? Youre being a brat! Go back to sleep. She had finished making the sandwich and was wrapping it with plastic wrap.
I am not!
My brothers, who had so far ignored our conversation, exchanged grinning looks with one another; they were up to something. As they headed past me toward the door, Alan reached out and smacked me hard on the head with his hand. Jeremy snickered.
Owww! I protested.
They were in a hurry to get out the door, and even though I was angry with Alan for hitting me, I didnt want them to leave, not yet.
Goodbye! I waved to them, holding Teddy Bear in front of me. They didnt answer, and most of the time, I didnt expect them to give me one; sometimes they would and sometimes they wouldnt. But I knew that Amie would say goodbye, and then she would kiss me, and then they could go to school. Then I would feel okay if they left.
Dont forget to kiss me goodbye. I waited expectantly by the door.
I dont have time today. Amie walked right past me without even looking in my direction. It was all too much for me to handle.
Please kiss me goodbye! I pleaded from the doorway, watching as they walked across the lawn toward the driveway. The morning air flowed through my pajamas as if they werent even there, and I was reluctant to follow them out into the cold. But despite my plea, they had not returned to say goodbye, so I began to follow them, wandering out in the cool morning air holding Teddy even closer for some warmth.
Alan and Jeremy turned around to look at me and motioned to Amie. They had almost reached the gate that extended around the house. My sleeves became unrolled and now extended past my feet, fighting my slippers as I walked.
It must have been some sight, me walking with my disheveled long hair, Dads thermal pajamas, and Teddy as I scuffed along toward them in my big slippers. The boys pointed and laughed and it was Amie who said, Go back inside the house right now!
Without thinking about the fact that I was getting colder by the second, I proceeded directly outside the house. I wanted to go back in, but they still had not kissed me goodbye. Didnt they realize how much it meant to me? I didnt know exactly myself, why it meant so much to me, it just did. The more I thought about it, the more worried I became about it. They always said goodbye; Amie always kissed her. What would happen if they didnt say goodbye on this one day? I continued on toward them. They were now walking up the driveway and toward the second gate that lined the edge of our property and of my world.
They were making quite a lot of distance, so I started running to try and catch up. My slippers and long legs worked against me, however, and they seemed determined to hinder my getting to them-but I ran on anyway. I forgot how cold it was as I hurried to get to them before they went too far. They had reached the gate, and I was desperate. I had started to cry as the desperation of what I was doing started to sink in to me.
Wait! I shouted. Waiiiitttt! I was out of breath and the cold air made it more difficult to breathe.
This time, they stopped, and looked at my as if they could not believe I had come so far.
You didnt kiss me goodbye! I tried to catch my breath.
Oh Sarah! Amies exasperate voice was also full of concern. She walked over to me, leaned down, and kissed me on the cheek.
Please kiss Teddy too! I held him up expectantly, and Amie gave him a quick kiss too.
Now go back to the house now! Amie instructed. Stop following us. We have to go to school now.
I turned around and realized why they were so surprised to see me. Our farmhouse was quite some distance away. I hadnt realized exactly how far Id gone.
After watching them disappear around the corner, I made my way back, not even caring that I was scuffing my slippers on the big rocks along the way. As I continued walking, it was then that I realized that my fingers had grown extremely numb, as had my toes. When I finally made it back to the house, I was relieved and surveyed the damage. My fingers werent too bad, just a little pink and quite numb. I knew that the fire was rapidly dying but worried that it had gone out completely. Hopefully it had not so that I could just simply put some wood on it and get it going again. I really didnt know how to start a fire, only keep it going.
Fire always scared me, the way it was so unpredictable and hurt if I came to close. Sometimes after I would put wadded newspaper inside to catch an ember, it would catch so quickly that the flames would lick the outside edges of the door, and I would shut it as fast as I could, my heart pounding. Most of the time, I did my best to stay away from the fireplace and only ventured over when no one else was around to put another piece of wood in. I walked over to the aged wood stove, turned the metal handle and pulled open the heavy black door. The logs had been reduced to cinders, but there was still enough to get the fire going again perhaps if I put some kindling and paper on it. I gathered a handful of the foot long, two inch thick cedar pieces and threw them into the stove. I added wadded newspapers from the two foot high stack that sat next to the coffee table. Mom would never miss the newspapers, hopefully wouldnt even notice that they were gone. I watched the wadded paper begin to curl slightly, smoke, and then catch on fire quickly catching the rest of the newspaper and the dry kindling as well. We were almost out of kindling, and I was thankful. One less weapon. I put the sticks in one by one and watched as they caught fire, hoping that one of them had been used as my punishment. Good, it was gone now. As quickly as I dared, I put a log on top of the kindling and shut the stove, opening the vent to make sure the fire could breathe. There. The fire was made so the house would be warm and Mom would have no reason to get up early. I had been kissed goodbye. The day was going to be all right.