Success!

This is going to be a rare opportunity for me to share a little bit about myself in terms of where I came from; I don't do that very often because ... well for a lot of reasons. Many of you who grew up with me are familiar, at least in some part, with my story. Truthfully, the main reason I am hesitant to speak of this is because ... I'm not better than anyone else. No matter what humble beginnings I started from, what only matters is what I do with myself today. I don't want to seem as though I think I'm that great. Because the truth is, I'm not. I'm just a person trying to live my life and trying to make it out there. But yes, I am proud of all that I have done and accomplished. I am proud of a few things I would like to share here ...
It was said that when my sister and I were taken by social services, people were concerned for us. I was told later that they had an assembly at school (wow!) to let everyone know we were all right. People were encouraged to write to us. So, while I found myself in a strange town with strange people and feeling awful, the love and warmth I felt when I read the letters people sent me, filled me with hope and thankfulness.
So many people have asked me why I was able to make it out okay. How is it that despite everything, despite the years of abuse, despite the constant tormenting, that I was able to come out of it as well as I did. I think it's funny that when someone goes in and shoots up a group of people in a school (see recent news) that people are quick to blame their poor childhood or background. They are quick to try and point a finger somewhere as if somehow, that excuses, or even makes sense of their behavior.
But, I argue, it doesn't. We are responsible for ourselves and how we turn out. We can use our pasts as our crutches, or we can rise above it to be better than we're expeted to be.
When people ask me the "secret" to how I made it, I don't know the answer to that question. I wish I could point to one specific event or person or people or thoughts or ... whatever to say that this is why, but I just can't. I can only say that it was by the grace of God (if He is up there) and by the miracles provided that included strength and courage given to me, and by the warmth, compassion, love, and kindness I received from my friends, teachers, and community. It was they who believed in me and made me think that anything was possible. They were the ones who drove me to be better than I was, to think for the future, to want for more in my life than just what I was given.
To this end, I just want to take a moment to highlight some of the people (I know you're out there-you are not forgotten) who really made a difference in my life. My friend Deon is the first person I want to thank. She was the first real friend I felt I had. I loved her family; they treated me like I was a second daughter and it was to them, that I first confided my "situation" at home. It was them who first lent me their compassion and understanding.
To my teachers, who gave understanding and consideration. Those that knew, when I finally began to tell them, knew I could never do my homework at home and they understood and forgave the days I could not focus, could not study, and yet still, continued to want to learn. I knew that knowledge would eventually set me free of my prison, and I was right.
Specifically to Mr. Cooper, Mrs. Sevig, Mrs. King, Mr. Brookins, and Jan for encouraging me to find and become who it is I was meant to be, even if I stumbled along the way. Mr. Cooper encouraged me to follow my own path, even if it meant secretly participating in drama, despite the wishes of my mother ... I will also never forget Mrs. Williams whose teaching methods were unusual, but who really thought I had a talent for writing. Maybe she was wrong.
I am grateful to Norma, though she will never read this, provided me a place to live and has always been and always will be, a second mom to me. To Debbie who gave me a job, and later promoted me, who encouraged me to be an assertive leader.
To my drama friends and Ashland pals-whose antics and all-night-room-parties I will never forget.
To my beautiful town, small though it is, whose people encouraged me. People I didn't even know would approach me and give me a hug or offer a word of encouragement. People knew I had gotten accepted to Pacific U before I did. Sometimes, though a small town can hold you back and catch you in its web, my town seemed to push me forward.
It's important to mention my psychologist Barbara Hershey (through social services) who was my mentor and sounding board. She always told me I was too hard on myself, but not (thankfully) crazy!
Finally, to Steve. I wouldn't have made the push to move down here, with no friends, no job, and no money-if he hadn't somehow convinced me that I could do it.
So to answer your question, I don't know what happened. I don't know by what miracle I ended up in this place or don't have ill feelings about my childhood. It might have something to do with the fact that ... no one ever told me I couldn't do it-except my mother. No one told me I couldn't make it, or I couldn't do better. No one told me I couldn't get a great job or finish college or have the life I wanted. Well, I should qualify that statement by saying-no one of significance held me back. You will always find small people in your life who do their best to hold you back, kick you when you're down, or try and lessen your worth. But YOU are the only one who can define your value... so it was only people of value who I am referring to. Even the ones who tried to hold me back had some sort of impact on me. The ones who used drugs, many of whom I called "friends" who were convinced I would never leave the town, only made me that much more sure that my only means of escape was to leave without looking back.
So here I am. I won't rest on the crutch of being broken. I won't settle for my past as an excuse to be any less than great. I won't let my shortcomings affect my relationships and I certainly won't let my mother's poor parenting skills trickle down to my children one day. Because I am better than that ...
I truly hope that by doing what it is I do, I can give back somehow and make a difference in someone else's life the way my friends, teachers, second family, and town, made in mine. I have learned so much along the way including how to be a better friend, a better sister, and a better parent. I also learned that the past doesn't have to hold you back, but can be an instrument in your success. Success doesn't have to mean that I'm rich or that I have a mansion or even that I publish a million books (well, that part would be nice) ... all it means is that I made it and am (mostly) healthy and happy to be alive.
For all those who would use their pasts as a means of excusing the rest of their lives, or as justifcation for harming others, I can only hope that these people realize that there is more to life out there than what we are given. Not all people are bad. We have the obligation and responsibility to do more with what we are given. We must take responsibility for ourselves and not let our pasts hold us back from all the things that we were meant to do in this life.
Anyways, just a thought. A lot of you reading this have stories and ... things that happened to you along the way that perhaps you're not proud of. My only advice is to find someone to talk to about it. Find a friend, a neighbor, a significant other, a psychologist, a journal ... and let it out. Let out all the anger, all the pain, and all the rest of the things that will follow can only lift you up.
If you're the listener, please, give this person the opportunity to do something with their lives other than become a burden on our welfare system or just another number when it comes to social services. People aren't numbers. Offer words of encouragement where you can. You don't have to feel pity for them or give them unwanted help, sometimes the best thing you can do is offer them a sympathetic ear, a polite hug, or a word of encouragement. You may not see a difference now, but even the smallest words can have a profound effect. Have compassion for those who are broken and suffering.
Let's not become a nation or a world of people held back by ghosts and phantoms. Let us become the people who rise above adversity and find success that starts with a new beginning ... and perhaps a friend.